Today I screamed at the top of my lungs while on the phone. I haven't actually yelled in quite a long time. I rant and rave on my blog often. I even text some wildly inappropriate texts full of expletives when I'm feeling full of rage. But for some reason, I don't raise my voice.
It was bound to happen though. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Correction. I woke up on the wrong side of the couch. I'm back to sleeping on the long end of my sectional because my bedroom looks atrocious and I can't sleep well in a room that looks like it was ransacked during a burglary.
I then had to work the longest shift I've ever had at the Republic. Boo-hoo. Unemployed me can't bear to work more than 5 hours a day. It wasn't even busy though, so I basically spent 6 hours dancing around to the horrendous music playlist they blast on repeat each day. Then came the straw that broke the camel's back: it was raining cats and dogs and I didn't wear a raincoat. Because my one and only raincoat doesn't even have a hood. I have no idea why I felt it was necessary at all to buy a raincoat without a hood but it was no doubt a vain fashion purchase. Damn you impractical fashion.
On my way home from work (as I blasted the HEAT), I began to analyze my mood. Why was I so god damned pissed off? Nothing horrendous happened. Nothing actually happened at all, which was part of the problem. But not all of it. What was it then? I had to dig deeper.
What I came up with was a case of unknown fear. Otherwise known as anticipation. Also known as the realization that I may be on my way to working again. Be careful what you wish for, because this week I've received three invitations to interview for three different positions. Somehow, someway, after 5 months of receiving no feedback at all on my resume, a purchasing group, an insurance firm and an office supply corporation are interested in me.
Truth be told, I half feel like I'm totally selling out on myself for even considering these traveling saleswoman-like positions. But I am a true believer in the "everything happens for a reason" philosophy. Nobody else has responded to my resume, yet three sales/corporate firms have asked to meet me within a 3 day span. Maybe this is where I'm going to have to be for a bit.
I'm getting ahead of myself per usual. I've only had one interview so far. It went well, I think. I put on a spiffy suit, wore mascara and even painted my nails a nice muted color. I think I represented myself well but always feel ridiculously uncomfortable and small when they ask that horribly intimidating question: "So, give us a little bit of background on your work experience and what makes you unique."
Hmm..let's see. What makes me unique? I can really only see out of one of my eyes but you can't tell. I'm left handed but kick with my right leg. I hate scary movies to the point where I have to "ear muff" myself and close my eyes when I see a preview for a horror flick on TV. I used to drink a lot but I don't drink anymore. At all. I'm single, 26 and don't even feel like I want to mingle. Ever again. I have a tendency to pick my fingernail skin and cuticles to the point where I bleed all over myself without knowing it. I'm afraid of the dark. I like to be heard so I will wait patiently for my turn to speak and force you to listen to me. My college nickname was "Hurricane". I am not a morning person and I'm not a night person either. I'm a mid-day kinda gal so don't expect me to be cool until 2 pm. I am ridiculously competitive so I guess you could say that you might want me to work for you because I won't sleep at night until I figure out how to be the best at a task at hand. Unless it involves ordering the office supplies. I always forget who needs what and won't ever request the right color pens. I'm much better in writing but my Dad says I'm better in person. I wear nice looking clothes so you will never notice what a secret slob I am - unless you somehow get a look at the inside of my car. And I smile even when I'm upset at work because I learned a long time ago to never let your boss see you cry.
I wish I actually said that in response to their question but I played it safe and spoke of my work experience, my personality type and my competitive edge. I told them I'm a people person and about my past successes. What I've learned and where I see myself going. I could have done a lot better but hey, I'm rusty. It's been a while since I've been in the good ole' suit, sitting at the good ole' conference table. Ugh...
So, I have some fears and anxiety brewing deep down about a future job. That's natural, right? All I wanted to do tonight was take a shower and relax on the couch, fall asleep to some Sex and the City. Instead I picked a fight with my ex, who then called me ofcourse. And boy did he set me up good. I verbally wrecked him with a barrage of F-bombs and then the inevitable hang up. He done messed with the wrong girl on the wrong night because he said the wrong thing.
Worst part is, I actually feel much better about life now. I'm not even that sorry. Here are some additions to my list of unique traits: Unafraid to verbally attack and run. Has the tendency to be a horrible human being. Unable to speak on the phone about personal matters when the couch and Sex and the City is waiting. Will say things she doesn't mean if buttons are pushed. Yikes.