Thursday, March 10, 2011

Pebbles of thought.

I read the website
Post Secret rather religiously and always come away from it with a comforting yet eerie feeling. There's something wonderful about knowing that everyone has a secret of some sort. At the same time, I feel a bit chilly knowing some of the skeletons that others have harbored in their bones (pun intended) for long periods of time.

All of our minds are filled with thoughts, right? Some of them are meaningless and straight forward and they make sense and they help us do things like, "it's raining and I should bring my umbrella." I must admit I never have that thought because I never remember to buy an umbrella. Anyway, thoughts are like pebbles on the street that you can kick if you want to or choose to let them be where they are. Sometimes you want so much to kick one of them, set it free, get it moving, but just can't. That's why I love Post Secret. People who feel trapped by their one secret are able to kick it free, give it some legs. It then goes to live with a group of other secrets. Then we all get to read them and think, "wow, I kind of feel that way too and I'm not the only one."

I'm not alone is such a powerful realization in itself, isn't it? I think so.

My lovely therapist is ever reminding me that we all have strange and perhaps uncomfortable thoughts. These thoughts are gifts of being human; of being given a brain. It's okay to have these thoughts. But what can become difficult is knowing what to do with the ones that you can't shake and can't kick away. Where do they go? I'm in the middle of figuring this out with her so I can't provide the answer just yet. It eludes me at the moment.

I'm also beginning the action part of my sobriety program and preparing now for the step that involves writing down those tucked away pebbles of thought that have made me feel less than or have fostered a resentment or a deep fear. I've been putting this off for a very long time just because I'm afraid of it to begin with. But, come on, it's been almost 4 years. I need it, man!

Maybe after I write all this stuff down, I'll choose one of my confessions and send it to Post Secret. It can live with the other pebbles of thought that have been set free by someone who was honest and brave enough to kick it around a bit.

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