May 5, 2007 was the beginning of a brand new life for me. It was three years ago today. I cannot say the new life has been easy. It hasn't been a breeze. Mostly because I am completely present for life which means I have to deal with whatever comes my way and look it square in the eye with an honest heart. Sometimes I hate doing that.
I will say it's been real as hell though. I have experienced feelings and emotions that I never knew existed inside of me. I have reconnected with a family that I allowed myself to harbor terrible feelings towards for years. I have worked on myself a lot - my laziness, my selfishness, my stubborn as shit nature.
I am a work in progress. Being naturally hard on myself, when I woke up this morning, I thought, "how anti-climatic, you're still a whack-job of a human being." And I am. But I respect myself. I love me more than I ever have. And I truly love others. Not all of them, but some. I have found that my heart, which once felt like it was as cold as ice, has begun to melt. I can cry tears of joy. I had never done that before I began this cute little journey.
Last but not least, I believe there are no coincidences in life for sure. Because I was offered a job today. The official paper-signing begins tomorrow but I was given the handshake of approval from the CEO, who said he wants me to have this job. I hate to say it's in the bag, but I kind of feel like it is. Wow.
I went into the interview today nervous as hell. I imagined myself completely blowing it and saying tons of things that didn't make sense. My imagination sucks. Because none of that happened. The interview was as smooth as a sailboat on the Chesapeake. And I know what that's like because I just experienced it.
"Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter."
And if ya' don't know, now ya' know.