We are fickle creatures.

We women have, if I am not to lie,
In this love matter, a quaint fantasy;
Look out a thing we may not lightly have,
And after that we'll cry all day and crave.
Forbid a thing, and that thing covet we;
Press hard upon us, then we turn and flee.
Sparingly offer we our goods, when fair;
Great crowds at market for dearer ware,
And what's too common brings but little price;
All this knows every woman who is wise.

~Chaucer's "The Canterbury Tales", The Wife of Bath's Tale

Tis' a funny thing about most women: things forbidden to us often have aphrodisiac appeal.

picture by nirrimi

To: B

Dear B,

Just wanted to say thanks for the pats on the back when we are standing in line at the movies, the grocery store or a concert. They make me feel warm.

Also, thanks for never raising your voice. I didn't think it was possible.

Thanks for being weirder and goofier than I am. I - again - didn't think it was possible. But, you own it and you own it well.

Thanks for telling me I'm beautiful. I believe it when you say it in that tone of voice reserved for those words only. The fact that you are usually simultaneously putting my hair behind my ears makes me melt.

How do you somehow hear the words I don't say out loud? Thanks for asking me what's going on when I refuse to ask myself.

You have the greatest legs. Period.

You have the weirdest taste in clothes. Specifically, outfits that you think match just really don't. And I love you for it.

Thank you for teaching me that silence is not life-threatening. The two of us laying near one another listening to music is just as romantic as a kiss.

For reminding me that "the goal is to forgive, right?" Eventually I'll get there.

You aren't easy, but you're worth it.

Thanks for inspiring me to stay active. Running next to you on the treadmill is fun yet stressful due to the competitive nature residing in both of us. Remember, I ran at 7.5 speed for 6 minutes straight during my 2 and a half mile run. You did not.

Thanks for being so GD great to look at. I just e-mailed a friend about you, telling her I'm so proud to call you mine. She instantly responded with, "please copy and paste that line and send it to him. I've never heard words like that come from you."

And so here I am, letting you know.

Well, not really. You don't read my blog because you say it's mine and mine alone. Thanks for letting me have creative freedom. Maybe I'll whisper these sweet words to you while I drizzle melted chocolate all over body...but probably not.

Happy Valentine's Day, I love you.

a playlist to make you feel.

All of these are truly precious...

Sol Solis - Moving Mountains
Little Bird - Weepies
Wash Away - Joe Purdy
That Sea, The Gambler - Gregory Alan
White Daisy Passing - Rocky Votalato
Nobody Knows Me - The Weepies
Kathleen - David Grey
Canon - Trace Bundy
You Are the Dark - Joseph Arthur
No Reason to Pretend - Aaron Sprinkle
Marchin' On - OneRepublic
Moth's Wings - Passion Pit
The Kids Don't Stand a Chance - Vampire Weekend
White Blank Page - Mumford and Sons
Set the Fire to the Third Bar - Snow Patrol
Girl in the War - Josh Ritter
Long Time Traveller - The Wailin' Jennys
All I Want is You (live) - Tristan Prettyman
No One's Gonna Love You - Band of Horses
Cosmic Love - Florence & the Machine

photo from nirrimi

younme

An excited dolphin, your tongue swims with the momentum of the sea
and touches mine
A world of wet love is born in our mouths as we try not to let it escape
into the air
With the touch of your hand on the side of my face,
brushing back the strand of hair I didn’t know had been covering my closed eyelid,
I realize there's something about us that can't be written down.

making moves.

I've been feeling ridiculously drawn to my creative side lately, often dying to get home and write for hours on end. I started a new private blog on another blog hosting site just to see if I felt more comfortable writing without any audience. I decided I'm going to try my hand at some freelance writing gigs too. Before I do this, I think I will have to make a portfolio of my work so that I can present myself as organized and concise.

I've been throwing the freelance gig idea around for quite some time but haven't gotten anywhere just because I often feel silly that I don't have much documented experience. I mean, I've had articles published while I interned for Philly STYLE Magazine, I've written some copy and official communications at my current job, but I have never been published by a print magazine or an online magazine. There's a theme here...quitting before I even begin. There have been many opportunities for me to put myself out there, but I haven't capitalized on them. Fear.

But there's no better time than the present, right?!?

I have a friend from college whom I love dearly. This friend inspires me in the way that she is always striving to live more, live better, be better, live a life that fulfills her. She's pretty neat. Just a few weeks ago, this college friend informed me that she's now setting her sights on being a news broadcaster and has even begun shooting small clips during snow storms we've had. She's been in contact with a news outlet in Oregon that's interested in what they've seen from her.

She reminds me of the The Avett Brothers song "Head Full of Doubt,"

Decide what to be and go be it.

Seeing her passion regarding this new project made me happy and jealous at the same time. I haven't been able to get the idea of going for it out of my mind since.

So, I think I'm finally ready to be something that makes me feel like I'm useful. I know that writing makes me happy, makes me feel like me, makes me feel like I might have a tiny gift, (a gift that needs a lot of cultivating and work of course) but a gift nonetheless. It's time to see something through til the end when it comes to this stuff. Even if it doesn't go anywhere, at least I can say I tried.

Shit. Now that I've written about it, I actually have to do it. Anybody out there want to hire me to write for them? I'm all yours.

Photo from Nirrimi.

I just couldn't help myself, okay?

As the light streams in and bounces off the left corner of my desk, I am suddenly wondering why I did it.
With my shortage of money, with my stomach already churning due to the sensitivity of this time of the month,
Why oh why?

Forget the fact that it was delicious. All of it. I had been dreaming about the second part for about a week now, but putting it off
until today.

If I'm being honest,
which I am,
there was a split second, a pinch of time
to re-evaluate my choices.
Once before I turned right into my first stop and again, before I turned left into my second.
But I said, "eh, what the f*ck" to both.
And I did it,
right after one another.

And now,
as I bind presentations,
check my phone in between,
manage my boss' expenses and perform the rest of my menial tasks,
I will no doubt continue
- for at least three hours -
to glance intensely at the four trashcans around my desk area within arms' reach
in case I need to get sick.
Heading to the bathroom in time is questionable.

I should not have eaten two orders of Mexican Sushi Roll & Spicy Tuna Roll followed by a Snack Size McDonald's McFlurry.

It just wasn't necessary.