Monday, November 8, 2010

Today, fine.

There was a time I wasn't this analytical

I didn't need to know
why and how and where it was all going
If you told me it was all going to be okay
I'd believe you -
without question

But that stopped working
Because so much wasn't okay

I felt lied to

Where was truth?
I tried constructing my own
which was even worse
Disastrous, my mind is
at finding reality

Instead it dreamed of life as a circus
and I, the ring leader
orchestrating it all

But I wasn't.

Again, I felt lied to
this time by my own mind

So here I am
I don't trust you
I don't trust me

What then do I trust?

I sometimes find this little voice
inside my heart
It tells me to let it be
Let life show you what's real, it says
And it's powerful when it says that

Let it unfold
in its own time
like the flowers you so often admire
Their petals are at first so tightly packed
protecting the stamen from damage
until the stamen tells them it's okay to open
up to the world
up to the sun
allow light in
sometimes damage
but they're ready for this

They unfurl, extending
until they fall

Off their flower

To the floor

Some give themselves to the wind

Or to a child's hand

A dog's mouth even

They don't seem to fight it -
the truth of their existence
Perhaps they know that while they were opened, they were admired
loved even
They had a purpose

"Stop questioning!
Allow your petals to open, extend,
Allow admiration and love
Give what you can, when you can
until the end of your time."

This is what that voice tells me
This power inside that I've just begun to touch and listen to
Time is not mine

The voice is it
Truth, reality

And today, fine

Tomorrow I may begin questioning again
Where and how and why

But today, fine

I'll give the truth a chance

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