I am grateful for:
- The bouquet of yellow gerbera daisies that are STILL alive and kickin' on my windowsill
- The fact that I've taken care of them; changing their water, cutting their stems every few days just to prolong their existence
- Looking at my cherry-red nails and realizing I actually sat down for long enough to paint them myself
- Remembering that I messed up numerous nails during the painting process and did not give up; but simply put nail polish remover to good use and started again
- The research I've done on a new career path
- The fact that it's a career that doesn't even require a college degree and the fact that this doesn't bother me
- Because I might be at the point where I can say, "I don't care what others think. I want to be happy with myself"
- Maybe I'm still a little scared to switch gears but I am working through it
- The women I've allowed myself to become friends with lately
- Women that are sober and fun and full of life and have something I want
- Freedom to be themselves
- The dream I had last night; a recurring dream
- About the man I just broke up with
- In the dream we are fighting. Well, I'm picking a fight with him
- Pleading for him to see how his behavior affects me
- And he's standing his ground, ignoring me, moving away from me
- And it's heartbreaking
- But when I wake up, I do not call him or reach out to him
- Because I know I can't
- Because it's really over
- And for once I want to let sleeping dogs lie
- And let it go
- Can I?
- "I'll Back You Up" by Dave Matthews kind of sums it up
- And I'm so freaking happy about music
- And what it does to me
- The bag of clothes I finally removed from my car
- Progress!
- My dog
- Obviously
- She's just, the most beautiful, neurotic, furry little poodle I've ever met
- Ah, love
- Remember my post last week about my obsession with emotional, love-filled entanglements?
- Thank God I was honest about that
- Thank whatever that thing was that inspired me to write it all down
- So that I'm aware of it
- As I see that I'm leaning again towards an entanglement that has been present in my life for years and years
- And I'm being honest about it
- But for once, I'm not jumping in
- Because I'm enjoying myself a bit
- I do have to work on my issue with time-management
- This head that buzzes like a bee
- Gets so caught up in thinking
- Rather than doing
- And it's counter-productive
- But, we're all human
- We all have issues
- My grandfather, Shwartz
- And my faith in something
- That I prayed to
- To help him today
- His first day of chemotherapy
- So awful
- But, I feel like if I send positive vibes his way
- It just might help
- Rather than wallowing, something I'm very accustomed to doing
- Again, counter-productive
- My 4th step
- That I've just begun
- It feels good
- To get here
- Those moments where I feel here
- In the moment
- I'm happy about those
- And the run I went on this weekend
- That reeked havoc on my lungs because of the powerful winds
- It still made me happy
- To get out there
- As freaking painful as it was
- My Saturday night
- It was so fun
- I haven't laughed that hard in a while
- And I needed it
- And I realized
- I looked pretty
- Don't you love those nights?
- Where you can actually say,
- "I feel good,"
- Inside and out
- Ah, life
- Full of twists and unpredictable turns
- I want to love you
- No matter what you do to me
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