Forget you not.

Long Beach Island, NJ (my childhood summers)

I remember the day my father told me that she had passed. I was lying under the covers as he very sheepishly opened my bedroom door to share the news. I can’t remember if music was already playing in the background or if I turned on the stereo to soothe my grief, but somehow I was listening to “Angel” by Sarah McLachlan which spoke so deeply to the situation. The song is now forever linked to her.

I’m listening to Pandora Internet Radio while at work and “Angel” has popped up as the next song in the line-up of great tunes. I am instantly transported to my memory bank; to that day; to the shape of my Granna’s face and her long, strong fingers. I am wishing I could touch the hundreds of shells and pieces of beach glass she collected during her many years living next to the sea and ask her their names again. I am slightly smiling in embarrassment as I mentally replay the times she reprimanded because I walked on the dunes. I am remembering the days I watched her from our second floor deck as she walked gracefully along the sand in her rolled up linen pants, somehow knowing there was no place she'd rather be.

Forever my iconic great-grandmother, Granna.

We are fickle creatures.

We women have, if I am not to lie,
In this love matter, a quaint fantasy;
Look out a thing we may not lightly have,
And after that we'll cry all day and crave.
Forbid a thing, and that thing covet we;
Press hard upon us, then we turn and flee.
Sparingly offer we our goods, when fair;
Great crowds at market for dearer ware,
And what's too common brings but little price;
All this knows every woman who is wise.

~Chaucer's "The Canterbury Tales", The Wife of Bath's Tale

Tis' a funny thing about most women: things forbidden to us often have aphrodisiac appeal.

picture by nirrimi

To: B

Dear B,

Just wanted to say thanks for the pats on the back when we are standing in line at the movies, the grocery store or a concert. They make me feel warm.

Also, thanks for never raising your voice. I didn't think it was possible.

Thanks for being weirder and goofier than I am. I - again - didn't think it was possible. But, you own it and you own it well.

Thanks for telling me I'm beautiful. I believe it when you say it in that tone of voice reserved for those words only. The fact that you are usually simultaneously putting my hair behind my ears makes me melt.

How do you somehow hear the words I don't say out loud? Thanks for asking me what's going on when I refuse to ask myself.

You have the greatest legs. Period.

You have the weirdest taste in clothes. Specifically, outfits that you think match just really don't. And I love you for it.

Thank you for teaching me that silence is not life-threatening. The two of us laying near one another listening to music is just as romantic as a kiss.

For reminding me that "the goal is to forgive, right?" Eventually I'll get there.

You aren't easy, but you're worth it.

Thanks for inspiring me to stay active. Running next to you on the treadmill is fun yet stressful due to the competitive nature residing in both of us. Remember, I ran at 7.5 speed for 6 minutes straight during my 2 and a half mile run. You did not.

Thanks for being so GD great to look at. I just e-mailed a friend about you, telling her I'm so proud to call you mine. She instantly responded with, "please copy and paste that line and send it to him. I've never heard words like that come from you."

And so here I am, letting you know.

Well, not really. You don't read my blog because you say it's mine and mine alone. Thanks for letting me have creative freedom. Maybe I'll whisper these sweet words to you while I drizzle melted chocolate all over body...but probably not.

Happy Valentine's Day, I love you.

a playlist to make you feel.

All of these are truly precious...

Sol Solis - Moving Mountains
Little Bird - Weepies
Wash Away - Joe Purdy
That Sea, The Gambler - Gregory Alan
White Daisy Passing - Rocky Votalato
Nobody Knows Me - The Weepies
Kathleen - David Grey
Canon - Trace Bundy
You Are the Dark - Joseph Arthur
No Reason to Pretend - Aaron Sprinkle
Marchin' On - OneRepublic
Moth's Wings - Passion Pit
The Kids Don't Stand a Chance - Vampire Weekend
White Blank Page - Mumford and Sons
Set the Fire to the Third Bar - Snow Patrol
Girl in the War - Josh Ritter
Long Time Traveller - The Wailin' Jennys
All I Want is You (live) - Tristan Prettyman
No One's Gonna Love You - Band of Horses
Cosmic Love - Florence & the Machine

photo from nirrimi

younme

An excited dolphin, your tongue swims with the momentum of the sea
and touches mine
A world of wet love is born in our mouths as we try not to let it escape
into the air
With the touch of your hand on the side of my face,
brushing back the strand of hair I didn’t know had been covering my closed eyelid,
I realize there's something about us that can't be written down.